Back on Track

Day 105
13 January 2012

In some ways, Mr. Pipoy and I are okay already, in some ways, I could say it's not yet - because there is still this space that separates us - like when he called and there will be silence for a few seconds after the "hello."

He and I have had several arguments, but this, I think was the most difficult to resolve - normally, we would be back to normal after a few hours, but this one took us two days to finally clear up the dark clouds.

I asked him the question, "Am I becoming too much of a burden," and he answered, "Yes and No." He didn't explain why "yes," he just told me that I am not a burden because he loves me so much. Mr. Pipoy isn't the type of a person who would patronize (come to think of it, his first word to his response was "yes"), so I am do believe in what he said. Before calling it a night, he and I made an agreement, and finally, all is settled. Thank you, God!


So okay... I went back on track today. I got up early and went to Colinas Verdes to walk, and just so to give myself a fresh new start, I took a different route, still leading to the Clubhouse. There were quite a lot of people walking today, so I was able to pace myself. I didn't allow myself to have that "adjustment" period - as soon as I entered the gates of Colinas Verdes, I quickly upped my speed and went on to have a steady brisk walk for 45 minutes.


On my way back (U-Turning near the clubhouse), there was this one plump man trying to motivate himself to jog more and more. His breathing was heavy, he would let out a scream every five seconds or so, and I felt inspired. He was a very big guy, but he was trying so hard to keep his momentum, so I jogged with him - not near each other, of course - he was on the leftmost side of the lane, I was on the rightmost. In a way, it was like feeding each other with strength - my thinking was that, if he would see someone jogging with him, it would allow him to keep his momentum. I, on the other hand, is getting strength from him, because seeing him trying his hardest made me want to try as much. I jogged for 15 minutes nonstop, and it felt good.

Cooling down (I don't want to leave Colinas Verdes soaking in sweat), I got to see this moth coupling. Now... how was I able to notice this two itty bitty critters while walking along a very wide, open, space? Even I am amazed at times. Anyway, I also got to see a bird on a tree branch - too bad my cellphone couldn't capture it; will definitely take my camera next week so I won't miss good photography subjects.

Aside from walking for two hours, I also was able to do my Hip Hop Abs Cardio and Ab Sculpt. What a day, indeed!


Sadly, the food journal is still something I have to be serious at... but for breakfast, I had this corn, for lunch I think brother and I ate smoked fish, and for dinner, we had stir-fried veggies and Bistek. I didn't overeat today - both lunch and dinner had 1/2 cup of rice... and even if my tummy was churning (it wanted to empty itself), I decided to brush my teeth right after dinner, so I won't have to go to the toilet to vomit it out. I also asked brother to allow me to wash the dishes, just so I was doing something after dinner - it surely changed my focus.

Making a complete 360 degree turn was difficult, but I was able to cope up. I am a very blessed woman to have someone like Mr. Pipoy (well, my family didn't know about my psychological problem), who - even if quite far from me physically - never really left my side.

May this day be start of better days ahead.

Counting my Happiness

Hooray for mornings and things that make them good
Hooray for beaming smiles that make my day
Hooray for stops and gos
Hooray for colors and quick hellos
Hooray for surprises that walk my way
Hooray for friends I'll make, oh hey...hey!
Hooray for treats that make me smile,
Like magic stripes that fill the sky
Hooray for days that make me say,
Oh Hooray for today!
- McDonald's TVC Jingle

Day 104
12 January 2012

By the end of 2012, I started receiving invitations for events. I know my food blog (Tara, Let's Eat!) isn't that popular, but ever since I re-opened it, invitations for events for me to attend kept pouring. I already attended my first one last week, and today was the second on the list - the press conference for the 2012 Bridal and Debuts Fair, organized by The Wedding Library. It's a yearly event happening at the Megatrade Halls of SM Megamall, and when I arrived at the venue with my brother (I was given the privilege to tag one person), I was blown away at how big the event was - attended by different media people (from TV, Print and Online).


I was happy to see BigFatMommaG - Grasyah Abonillo in person. She and I have been online friends since 2007 (via Multiply) with photography as our common link. We both left Multiply already, but we remained great friends updating each other's lives thru Facebook. When she posted a status that she was invited, I was so happy because I could finally see her. She is also one of my thinspirations.

from left to right: Engr. Alex del Rosario {of Juan Carlo the Caterer} | Pearl {of Sassy Chef} | me |
Peach {of the Peach Kitchen} | Marjorie {of Living Marjorney} | Alwin {of City Roamer}

The event went well. After a few minutes of Q&A with the fair's sponsors and celebrity endorsers, us food bloggers got to sit down with Engr. Alex del Rosario of Juan Carlo the Caterer, the one that provided the sumptuous food served at the event. It's normal for me not to ask too many questions, but I just love Engr. del Rosario's success story (having catered to many celebrity weddings and events) that I kept asking questions! By the way, I sat next to Pearl, but it was towards the end of the event - when she was about to leave - when I finally recognized her (I am a follower of her blog). So happy, indeed!




Some of us also got to have pictures taken with the event's celebrity endorsers - actress Maja Salvador (who's so down to earth and bubby) and Filipino-Italian model Angelo Cacciatore. I used to work at a TV Network but I never had the urge to have pictures taken with celebrities, but since it's already there, might as well pose for a picture with them. :)


As a parting gift, us invitees received a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon with rack. Well, am not a wine drinker, but this is so cute, I might use it as a table center piece during celebrations here at home. :) Thanks so much, The Wedding Library and Nuffnang for this event invitation!




After the event, brother and I walked to the Sacred Heart Parish. This church holds a piece of our hearts because we were baptized at this church. I did get to visit the church in November 2008, but of course, it felt awesome visiting the church again after two years.


When we got home, our next door neighbor handed me an envelop from Summit Media, containing the current issue of Yummy Magazine. I love Yummy Magazine, and I am so happy to have received a gift from them.

This day has been a happy day, yes. Despite the dark cloud over my head, I am happy to be rewarded with these much happiness in one day.




ps - One more happiness is this message from Mr. Pipoy. He sure was disappointed at certain things (back read if you want to know why), but I am happy that he's the type of person who loves me so much because all he wanted was for me to get well. Thanks, love.

Picking Myself Up

Yesterday (12 January) was a great day as I was able to attend an event - seeing bloggy pals, having pictures with celebs, people who knew me telling me it's very obvious that I lost weight already.

However, digging deep, it wasn't a great day either. Admitting a budding psychological problem, I didn't just let myself down - I also let down that one person who believed in me: Mr. Pipoy. Today was a very heavy day for both of us, and while he still called me "love," and that he still finished his calls with "I love you," I know there's a wall separating us at the moment. He still holds my hand and he said he will never left my side, but he wanted me to have space to recollect thoughts and reflect on what I should do.

Today I am going to pick myself up and start again.
To do that, I re-read my blog and get myself re-acquainted to that person who entered the journey to wellness. I also re-read Dr. Beck's book - the first seven days (since I still haven't done any of the days after that). It's like taking a refresher course... vacation's over, time to get back on track.




I changed my ARC... instead of writing down general reasons, I made it very personal, so when I read it everyday, the reasons I listed will be powerful enough for me to keep on track.

My reasons why it's fun to lose weight:

• For all the health reasons. This one's quite generic, but I will ran out of space if I'd itemize this.
• Looking good in wearing smaller clothes.
• Buying clothes that are not on the "plus size" section.
• Ditching out the security blanket. That would be my cloth sling bag, which I always use whenever I go out so when my pictures are taken, I could hide my big frame/bulging tummy under it.
• Confidence in trying new things. Kama Sutra included.
• Having that sense of pride whenever I am seen with Mr. Pipoy, as if people's eyes are telling me, "He made the right choice."
• Travelling with ease.
• Receiving more positive comments.
• That "high" feeling when people ask, "What's your secret?" or "How did you do it?"
• Doing things obese people can't do. I am now excited to have my very first zip line ride, whenever that will be.
• Borrowing mom's or sister's clothes.
• People will not be hesitant in approaching me or making friends with me because I now look just like them. Sad truth, but yes, I have have been a wallflower for so long just because I look different.
• Being able to wear high-heeled shoes.
• Seeing the "before and after" pictures.
• Going crazy / beautiful.
• Keeping the lights on.
• Being an inspiration.

Taking cue from that last word, "inspiration," if I want to inspire people, I have to lose weight without hurting myself and the people around me. I have to do it by portioning my food intake and by exercising.
Time to turn it around before it's too late. I will be an inspiration!

Oh... remember the "Credit Account" suggested by Dr. Beck on her book? Well, I wasn't able to decorate my sexy bottle, so while I still haven't bought a glue gun to stick lace and embellishment on the bottle, I am currently using an old Fox's candy tin - since no one can see what's inside, it will prevent me from getting something from it whenever I feel to spend money.

Currently, it has 584 pesos - 25 pesos was the first money I had for 2012, 500 I put in there as a starting capital, the other coins were from loose change, and the 10usd was given by my aunt Bing as her Christmas gift. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I can save enough money for me to buy something awesome to help me reach my goal weight.

Letting go of the monsters in the head can be tough, but it only requires strong will to cast it. I will be better and I can get myself back on track.

To you, Mr. Pipoy, thank you so much for the guidance and love. You truly have given me more than everything I needed. Hold on to me... I will never let you down again. I love you so much!