April was a good month for me because I was able to finally break the long hibernation I was in, but I admit I was kinda afraid for this day to come because 2nd and 3rd week of April, I wasn't really able to exercise much because of my period and the summer heat. Still, I think weighing myself every morning help in motivating me to move and eat less. Sadly, this last two weeks, I kinda neglect the eating department a little...because even if I watch my main meals, I also allow myself to snack in between meals, and sometimes these snacks were heavier than my meals.
Top - 725 Originals
Shorts - Just My Size
Footwear - Grendha
From 216lbs last April 1, My weight is now 209lbs., a loss of seven pounds this month. I know I could have lost more than that if I fought through the dizziness and the heat, but I know, too, that 7lbs. was more than I expected, I mean... when I first documented the journey, I lost just 6lbs. in the first month, so 7lbs. sure is a sweet victory.
|Ilocos Sur - April 2012 - 196lbs.|
In my mind, I am targeting 199lbs. before K arrives in less than 2 months from now, but there really is no pressure. When I told him the weight I lost this month, he asked, "Is that good?" When I said yes, he said "Good." For him, it doesn't matter if I am fat or not - as long as I am happy with what I am doing, he is going to be happy for me. What will make me happy is to lose the excess weight for all the health reasons primarily, although of course, I am also doing it for self confidence issues. I still haven't acknowledged that I am pretty in any way, let's see if hitting my target weight would help boost the confidence. If it doesn't, then at least I still have done something to help myself be away with all the health risks brought by obesity.
For the month of May, I will just continue with the exercising and food portioning... although I really have to work on time management. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time reading books (I am actually listening to "The Catcher in the Rye" audiobook as I type this) and watching the movie adaptations of the books I just read (if available). I really have to strategically manage the time so I could do all the things I want and need to do. Well, right now, I am reading "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins and the movie adaptation will be shown in November, so that means I won't be watching that much movies for a while, giving me at least 2 hours of free time. This month, I am targeting 7 more pounds, but any weight loss is something I will embrace with pleasure.
K just sent me a message telling me he is going to shop soon and is thinking of buying me a swimsuit. For a while that got me frozen, but I pleaded him not to choose something too revealing (just stick to the basic designs) because I do have big thighs and flabby big tummy area and I don't want to look like a joke in the beach. This little piece of clothing is my main motivation... I gotta help myself look a little smaller - it's better than not losing weight at all, right? Sometimes the way K appreciates me just the way I am feels overwhelming. Not once (in the five years I've known him) did he make me feel ugly... that even if I tell him "I hate it when I sweat," he'd tell me, "Horses sweat, ladies glow." Meaning, I shouldn't consider sweating as something bad, I should consider it as a way for me to glow. I really am thankful I have him in my life, he's such a dear, dear friend... and the minute I see him I'd hug him real tight. :)
Oh, my current favorite song:
A song P!nk wrote to friends who contemplated having a suicide (thus "The Great Escape"). Well, I am not suicidal - I've already gotten over that phase after watching "What Dreams May Come," but losing weight
can be a rough time...it's not only physically draining, it can also be emotionally and psychologically draining, but borrowing a line from the song, "the passion and the pain are gonna keep you alive someday." It's just up to me how to turn this around, and in time I know I will hit my target goal. Ultimate happiness is uncertain once I reach the goal, but at least I have done something to help myself.